It Didn't Matter
by patronus43
Summary: A reflection of sorts on the first half of season 3.


**A/N: My first venture out of Potterland into the new and exciting world of other fandoms. Please be kind. This is a one shot that happened at midnight on a night I was particularly lonely and feeling particularly hopeful about a failed relationship. I feel like Felicity and I would be great friends. -Shane**

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><p><strong>Day One<strong>

It didn't matter. At least, that's what she kept telling herself. It didn't matter that he felt that way, because he was never going to act on it. He was never going to admit to himself that there was nothing to fear in loving her. That she could take care of herself. That she was self sufficient before she met him, and she was self sufficient after she met him. Regardless. She couldn't change his way of thinking, so it didn't. Matter.

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><p>She walked into the Foundry five minutes late. Five minutes, that's all. Ray's meeting had run long, and she'd had no choice but to stay with him. Five minutes was all it took to aggravate him, apparently.<p>

"Where were you?" Oliver spun as soon as he heard her heels click on the pavement floor. He was already in Arrow gear, with Roy and Dig standing next to him ready to go.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I was caught up at work. Again."

"This seems to be happening more and more frequently." Oliver just stared at her. The pause seemed to add everything that he didn't want to voice out loud.

"Well, I have to pay for my rent somehow, and hacking for you doesn't pay as well as I thought it would." She huffed. The only person who seemed surprised by her tone was Roy. "Anyway, you didn't have to wait for me. Go. I know what the plan is for tonight." It was just basic surveillance; with Oliver following the few leads they had for Sara's death. It was pointless for her to be here anyway, she'd spend the night just staring at the screen and waiting around for them to get back. Several hours alone with her thoughts. Just what she needed right now.

"Fine. We'll radio on the com if we need anything." With that, he left, followed by Dig and Roy, not without some curious glances thrown over their shoulders.

Leaning back in her chair, she booted up her surveillance system of the city so that she could keep an eye on them. The thought of sitting there staring at the screens for the next three hours was unbearable, but that was her duty to this team. One of these days, she was going to find normal people to spend time with. No secret identities, no complicated back story. Just normalcy. In the mean time, she still had a responsibility to keep an eye on the people she had. She located her guys in their respective areas, scanned the scenes to make sure she couldn't see anything they didn't. It was quiet.

"So are we gonna talk about this?" She almost jumped as the static came over the com. Diggle. Of course.

"This doesn't seem like the best place to do it." She replied. She'd made the individual lines secure, but still, if Oliver or Roy called over, they'd hear some of the conversation.

"Eh, the most I've seen out here is a raccoon enjoying garbage. I doubt we'll be interrupted. Come on, now."

"It doesn't matter."

"Now that's a great thing to tell yourself, but I'm asking you to tell me what happened." Felicity huffed. Of course he wasn't going to let her avoid this. Dig had become the older brother she'd never asked for.

And so she spilled everything. And he listened. But, as she knew, there was nothing more to be said. So she went back to sitting in only slightly constricting silence until it was time for her to go home.

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><p><strong>Day Five<strong>

The tension was starting to get to her. She kept telling herself that she had to forgive him, that the only way to believe that it didn't matter was if she let it go, but she'd always had a talent for holding grudges. He was no better. He wouldn't hold her eye contact for any time more than necessary, his sentences to her had become more like fragments, he became agitated at her slightest mistake (of which there were few). She knew it was affecting the team, but the lack of activity in the city they had sworn to protect wasn't assisting the situation. She'd sat alone in the Foundry for four nights now, watching over them, making sure nothing was going to sneak up without their knowledge, only to leave each night more frustrated than when she arrived. Any lead on Sara's killer they'd followed led to a dead end, and they'd exhausted all of their sources. She didn't know what was worse: the silence she was surrounded by, or the silence that blanketed the entire city.

"Why don't we take a night off?" She spooked slightly at the sudden voice in the quiet. She hadn't even quite realized that anyone else was here until Oliver spoke.

"Well, as I've been here for ten minutes now and no one else has shown, I'm going to take it that I was the last to know of this recommendation." She really tried to keep the bite out of her voice, but she knew she was failing miserably.

"I caught up with Roy upstairs, and it's Diggle's night off anyway." Ah, because the only thing that granted a night off in Oliver's eyes was having a family to go home to. In other words, she'd never have one.

"I'm not complaining. I'll see you tomorrow." She had a date with a bottle of wine and some old code that had been resurfacing in the software at work. Oliver, apparently, had other ideas, as he grabbed her arm before she could leave.

"I was hoping we could talk." He looked her straight in the eye, unwavering, unlike he'd been doing all week.

"Look. We've done a lot of talking. Actually, no, _you've_ done a lot of talking. And for someone who normally can't control the words that come out of her mouth, I have been shockingly quiet in this situation. Because I've already said everything I need to. As have you." She shook out of his grasp, relishing the shock in his eyes. "I'll see you tomorrow, Oliver."

She got a distinct satisfaction of leaving him like that.

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><p><strong>Day Twenty Two<strong>

She hadn't thought about Cooper in a long time. She hadn't _wanted_ to think about Cooper. Everything that came along with him was a bad memory; even the wonderful tainted by the ugliness.

She also hadn't really felt as strongly for anyone as she had for Cooper since she lost him. At least, not until Oliver came along. She almost understood his crazy reasoning for not wanting to be with her after this. After all, losing her first love was hard enough. Losing Oliver? It had filled her nightmares for years. She pulled herself back together after Cooper. She didn't think she could do it again.

But now he was back. And he'd become the type of person that the Arrow snuck up on in dark alleys, declaring that they had failed this city. She couldn't argue that point. Maybe he hadn't failed this city, but he had failed _her_. He'd known that she loved him. He _had_ to have known how much it killed her when she'd learned of his supposed-fate. How could he have left her with that thought?

Worst of all in the tornado of feelings that were sweeping through her was the slight feeling of attraction that had glimmered when he first revealed himself. She had loved him for a long time- long after she'd thought him gone- and seeing him alive had awoken that again. She raked her fingers through her hair.

"Stupid!" She slammed her hands down on the desk, forcing herself out of her chair. She didn't quite realize her shoulders were shaking with her sobs until she felt someone's arms wrap around hers. Panicking, she spun and pushed away with everything she had, but whoever had her was holding on too tightly. _Great_. She thought. _Kidnapped twice in one night. That isn't a record I'd like to set._

It took her a few moments to realize her kidnapper was holding her protectively, stroking her hair, and whispering to her. Opening her eyes, she saw defined muscles through a t-shirt. _Oliver_. Some part of her body continued screaming to push away from him. The larger part allowed her to wrap her arms around him, sinking into the comforting embrace he offered.

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><p><strong>Day Unknown<strong>

It didn't matter. It didn't matter what the question mark on their relationship symbolized, or whether it would ever be answered. Her feelings for him would never change. No matter who came into her life, she would always want to protect him. She would always want to be there for him. It didn't matter if she couldn't do that while also sharing a bed with him. It didn't matter that he continued to rebuff the possibility of any future they romantically shared together. When it counted, she knew that he would be there. She knew that he would carry her out of the burning building, no matter who else had to be saved. Though they may torture her, she knew his words didn't matter. Her anger didn't matter. Neither changed the fact that he did care. And at this point, that's all she needed.


End file.
